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Ten Years is a Long Time

10 years ago, when I was a little girl,
He took me to his dances.
Now I was a chubby little thing,
(And very much unknowing at the time--
But that can be tackled later)
But I liked the music,
The heavy thumping of the bass next to my ear
As I stood right in front of the subwoofer,
Letting the beat cascade over my chest.
I knew not the implications.
I knew not why I was there, why take me?
Why dance with all these women, why? It didn't matter.
A few cups of Coke with a little straw,
A bag of pretzels, toy cars across the wood dancefloor,
A promise to be allowed back to the hotel room on the computer,
That was all a kid like me needed, really.
The smell of beer and tobacco stained every other patron.
I remember stepping outside into the cold night air,
Cigarettes snuffed into the pavement and ashtrays,
Letting out their horrid smoke, I breathe it in,
Corrupt my lungs without touching one.

10 years later, now that I'm a grown man,
I take myself places.
Now I'm still a chubby little thing,
(And very much know too much--
This has to be tackled now)
And I still like the music,
The gentle thrumming of treble in my heart,
As I sat right in front of my CD player,
Letting the melody sweep over my mind.
I know the implications.
I know why I was there. Why to take me.
I know how to dance with others, I do. It matters.
A few drinks of Pepsi in a paper cup,
A bag of books, figurines on the shelf collecting dust,
A promise to be allowed back home to see my dear family,
That's all a man like me needs, really.
The smell of marijuana and cologne stains every other human.
I step outside into the cold night air,
My muse lying dead in the pavement, spit in the sewers,
Letting out his tainted blood, I drink it in,
Soothe my stomach until I sleep again.